Its like jus 3 more days to our 7^th monthsary. But I am alred feeling bad. Like damn damn bad. I dono how I should go about fixing this complicated puzzle. Let’s face the truth. 80% of the symptoms have arose from this relationship to indicate a silent break had happened. I really dono how to cope with this anymore. Studies, basketball, friends are always listed first under ur list. I always tell u how I felt, but things never change for better. I’m hearing everything u say, but are u absorbing my words? I doubt so yeah. I let my mind go wild, wilder as days pass. Letting my thoughts take control deep within my heart of my mind. I’ve lost the spirit in my world, so depressed with sensitive thoughts that hurt. I try hard to blot u outta my mind, but things never turn out the way I wanted. No matter how hard I tried for us to make up after every quarrel, things were still go back to how it was after a day or two. We are torturing one another. No, scratch that. You are torturing me, tearing me apart. But I find no strength in fighting back anymore. Or rather, I find no point in saying any more. Every words I say, I gotta say it twice and more for u to absorb. Kimberly is jus an example of us. But somehow, she has a better boyfriend. Why is it that a 13 year old couple can fix problem and we can never patch up that hole tat has surfaced in us? A 13 year old Gary and a 13 year old Kimberly can think things in a more sensible manner as compared to us? What should I say? that they are more matured? That’s a truth. Gary makes an effort in changing for Kimberly, who is just like a clone of me. Every question I holds in my mind, she has it too. Every thought I stored within head, she’s having it too. Maybe things were never meant to be, u know. It never meant to be. To you, feelings have probably faded even more than before because you too, got tired of my bullshit.

it has been 7 months, yet you still do not know what i want && you do not even want to know what i want? if that’s what u say, then i really got nothing to say. totally.

pissed

i am veh angry. lik, super angry. i jus got pang seh by that f.u.c.k.e.r again. im like damn piss off now in AVA. i wanna continue doing the pw work but my blood is boiling. c’mon man. which guy would leave the fucking school without telling his girlfriend that he has left? and which guy would put on facebook to say that he misses other girls? bullshit.

its simply bullshit.

i’m gonna change my life now man. to think i actually got so affected by a guy who fucking don put any effort or even don care. since he wanna boh chup everything, fine, li hua yao, try me dude, try me. i’ll fuck my way out of ur world man.

one word

the only word to portrait my life is “stupidity”.

19oct

i went amk for movies with that jerk ytd..19oct. we watched sorority row. i think its nice lorh. but somehow, i was startled by the sudden background sound not jus once but many times. && he were like laughing over that, asking me why.. zzz? how i know! i alred said its the background noise not i scare! u know everytime when the murder suddenly appear, they will have this loud bang in the background. yeah, that’ s the one. && there was once, he had to cover my eyes so i will not get another jump. the movie was awesome. it was jus the right blood level man. watching that glass bottle being pressed down her throat && when her neck was slashed, blood were gushing into the bottle. then, another one, Megan, she was slashed thru her chest. && yeah, it was so damn real. really. its definitely better than SAW. SAW blood looked a little too watery. shld add more starch to make it thicker! XP

then he went walked for like 2 hours liddat &&  we went home. he said he was tired && that he onl slpt for 5 hours. oh yeah, he needs 8-10 hours of sleep. sometimes, its even more. but ytd, he was alred amazing in tolerating my mood swings. he even confirmed my period came without even me telling. zzz!

oh and i was onl half a head shorter than him today. why? happy guessing!

anyone else having mood swings?

muckedCA2

i mucked my whole paper man. for maths. i’m so sure this time is gonna fail. aiyah. prepared to continue my test 3 in two weeks time. sians. haihs. but anyway, after paper i sent darling home. he’s damn irritating. nagging me over the maths test. he don wanna fail cus he don wanna take test 3 again. but he went to do business during test && din finish the paper in time. grrr! how irritating he is lorh. damn noisy thru out the whole 2 hours with him. so i left his house like noon && headed back to sch, thinking anand && chainarong is STILL there. zzz. they left && so i made my way to northpoint instead. damn sian. cannot find any wedding gifts for Claire. guess i’ll get them tomorrow. there’s T1 && TM && CS. if i ever find any, i’m glad.

i bet my darling && i were happy today. because we din quarrel. may everyday be like today. then, its peace between us man.

ytd he told me that since holidays are approaching, he will have more time for me. && that althou got intensive lessons && all, he will gimme more of his times. && yeah, he told me that we’ll go out on one of those holidays. but i’m hoping to catch a movie on Mon with him. I WANNA WATCH!!

BECAUSE FRIDAY IS THE END OF LI HUA YAO && MY CHEMISTRY PAPER!

another saturday

today is another saturday. just a week ago went to town for shopping. today? first went bedok cus my mom wanted to buy a gold bracelet for Clare for her wedding next Sunday. then, we went all the way to Holland to eat some fish bee hoon && went to Queensway to get shoes. is so damn sian la. i din study at all siia. came home && slpt all the way till now. haihs! ltr i plan to continue my econs lorh.

ytd went T3 to study with my friends. from morning till noon liddat at TCC. until huayao woke up around 4.30 liddat then he asked my bus to sengkang. zzz. he say he lazy to journey to T3. then ok lorh. so i left && went to find him. haihs! but nvms la. for him, qing cai la. in the end we only studied for less than 1.5 hours cus i had a sudden tummyache && wanna go home badly. i believe he’s doing his physics tys now.

2 days to promos. i’m still not preparing. wat to do. i miss him, at the wrong timing.

new pattern!

am msn-ing with lester now. wtf! he ask me to come out new pattern if i want to get my boyfriend attention siol! first choice. puah mia. =-= kau, that one is his style la. he every weekend mia one lorh. liddat ask me to mia. siao man! no more ideas liao mehhs. must puah mia. =-=

HE JUST REPLYED. NO MORE IDEAS AT THE MOMENT.

kns la!!!!!!!! diao siia he. am currently waiting for hy to sms me cus he’s doing pw now. don want ltr that beeeeech say i disturb them pw again. neh, fuck offf. =-=

arghs! i should start revision u know! tomorrow got physics consultation. but surprisingly, my boyfriend said he wants to go out to study tml && asked me along. hmmmm..first time lorh. perhaps its cus he know today pw then i veh angry he just zao liddat? or maybe becus he knows i thinks he damn irresponsible over my weights. -.- tell him so long to bring my weights alred. die die also don wanna bring. -.- cling in on the ankle also cannot! say heavy! then u take for what?! also no train! kau.

shhhh. i should stop using the com now. its coming to 9pm soon. gonna dinner then start my physics. OR i’ll start pulling my hair off my head. life is tough now.

cant believe

I cant believe what had happened. She is such a beeeeeech. Can u imagine? She go and ask hy how I get her number. \

U care so much for what? I alred got ur number, I alred pui u till u don dare reply me && u alred gan hy && me what. Then knn, u stil go ask for what? In the end u get what? Nothing what. So u huan lo so much gam lan? Ccb luhhs. If u not hy pw member, I wun give u so simple luhhs that morning. U say if want ah lian, u sure lose to me, so can I be more refined? Tolong la. U veh refined meh? U ladylike then me is president of motherhood country liao, puabye. U say ur group lag behind so must rush a lot now. Ehh please la hor. That day u also alred say 3 ppl go for maths retest. Then left u && hy. So u think can think of something la? U urself also say one person sure cant do finish. So 2 ppl will be slightly better? Oh please. Its just a waste of time. All along ur pw meetings are so much more than other people. Even 11pm also meet siol. U go around YJ ask la. Who can be more hardworking than u siia. 11pm. Knn, ppl come out 11pm is ton for the sake of fun. Veh hardworking veh pia lorh, ton for the sake of pw. Knnbpcb, u want blame, blame urself la ok. Blame urself for scolding hy. u say what? Want hy stay back to pw? Hy die also don wanna tell u why. Then let me tell u. is cus it was our day. Don want tell u cus scare u go face green siol. People like to stick with stead, ang zhua? U cannot do the same so now criticise people disturb stead do pw ah? Siam la. U mai act till like u know us super well know. Even PSM also dono, u know? Mai luan lai la. Knn, && horhz, if u ang mor is so tok kong eh, then u wun read my sms till so wrong la. Sms is so obvious say do finish the pw && fuck it closed. U read as I call u fuck off? Wah. So different lorh. Ur ang mor o lvl is F9 si bo? I think anyone read that sms also wun read till how u read la. Zzz. If u say hy so no effort in pw cus of me, ha, ur pw meetings all I also nvr go disturb. U all say what library do or what shit, I ask u. I got any one time go down meh? Hy sms also nvr sms me once during u all de meeting siia. Other than the 11pm one, he only sent me goodnight then I koon liao, also cant be bothered with u guys. U say I disturb? Ur meetings all on Saturday, I alred veh little time spent with hy. He spent time is machiam like more with ur pw meetings than me. Then u come talk cock say what? Say might well say he no time for me is cus bball? Ph please. He now play bball lesser alred. So I say, don act like u know us veh well. The truth is u don’t. no one elses do too. What we do, what we talk, what we hold in mind, u know meh? All u fucking think u know is, I’m sticking to my stead everyday in sch. Ha, please. Our common breaks is only Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Other than that, if u notices us so much, why? Ur eyes go green again is it? Please man. Just siam. Don’t puch ur luck. Doesn’t mean u are his pw member && her friend, I will just close one eye. GTLY, now I officially tell u. fuck off.

then come find me personally urself after promo if u not happy. cus u were the one who said i not refine enuf, then lai. we have yet to see who more refined. i wait u. u say compete ah lian sure lose, then we change. change to see who more lady lorh. lai.

happy childrens day!

i have no school today! yippee! why does YJ lets students off today? cus they know we are kids. kids who need to celebrate this special day! XD charmaine even sms me for present. well, its in the toilet.

back from temple cus today is my grand’s death anniversary. time flies. so fast jiu 7 years alred lerh. haihs. but anyway, its better for time to fly. at least i don feel the sorrow as much as 7 years ago.

ytd he managed to get her off his back && find me after his pw. she scolded him. && hy told me she would call me if he leaves the meeting to find me. wtf? like stopping him from seeing me. hello? u’re jus a pw leader. all those time u spent on weekends, not enuf for ur work mehhs? so is it because hy so ur group lagged behind? when most ppl finished our GPP && started on EoM, 1 half week later, ur group is still on GPP. huh? so now that people has handed in their WR, ur group haven submit, is also stil hy’s fault? u want him to stay back to do? people pw group also no meetings as many as urs. even meet at 11pm at night do overnight. liddat got use meh? also still the same what. lag behind. not saying ur pw group no effort. but u stopping hy see me for what? pw almost every weekend ur group pia alred what. not enuf meh? u guys are alred spending more time with him as compared to my time with him. all his weekends are used on u know. what more u want from me siia.

zzz. i need food. i stil wanna eat. food food food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!